I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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