you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
