Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
