she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
