Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
