Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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