Will you blow on my dice?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
