carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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