I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
