We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
