apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Success! We fucked roommates!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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