so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
