Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
