yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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