did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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