How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
