great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
