just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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