it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
