I have demons in me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
