ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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