Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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