remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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