I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
