This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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