the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
