Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
