He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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