I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I die, sorry about rent.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
