What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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