wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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