Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
