Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
