I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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