Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
