totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
