There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
