Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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