Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
