cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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