I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
