My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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