I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
