I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
