you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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