would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
