Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize