it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
