my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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