i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
