final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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