Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize