i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
