we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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