Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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