Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
