i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
