Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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