Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
