Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
