i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
