I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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