There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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