Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
