38 yer olds are good kisserssss
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
